Thursday, December 29, 2016

When Children do Adulting, Marriage and Use Free Will Differently From What Was Planned


First, let me wish you a happy New Year, with blessings abundant for 2017.
I'm excited and apprehensive about this new year. Many changes right off the bat, many uncertainties looming, some stressful, some so unknown I can only work on my New Year's resolution and new word: Trust. Resolve to give up worry.

My oldest daughter and my new son in law have moved to California. This last year I fought this, whether I realized I was fighting it or not. Mostly all of 2016. I prayed more against this from happening than I've prayed for anything. Ever. And yet, it happened. They are alive and happy and working toward getting their marriage blessed in the church.   I pray she finishes her degree. But I have to let her live her life.

So I have come, slowly, to accept my will is not what's happening here. I pray for their protection and happiness. I will and already miss them terribly. But life has changed. Some things have stayed the same. I am needed to be present in the lives of my children here. They need me as a nurturer and teacher and all else I do. They need me to do it with love and specific attention to them. I have accepted this, I embrace it and look forward to what 2017 brings me and them.

When I first knew what my heart had told me about Molly's plans, I cried, I cried for two months. My priest told me about what a priest told Saint Monica: a mother's tears and prayers are never wasted. So now I pray, a few tears will still fall. But I am beginning to let go, be happy for her and wish her well. It took a lot of courage to go against the norm. I wish it had been different, but I accept it now. Unconditional love doesn't come easy.

I have gone through all stages of grief! And now, I'm tired of grieving. I want joy back in my heart. I'm looking forward to a church wedding in their future and wish them all the joys life can bring.

Their smiles show their joy. I am so thankful for that!




3 comments:

  1. I can only imagine the depth of grief you felt, but the courage and hope to find the joy is even greater. Your prayers and tears are not wasted and the blessings will spring forth from them. Love to you!

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  2. Mary
    A mother's grief, love, hope and dreams for our children are one big mixed bag. I've been praying for you since you shared a little on instagram, my heart just knew it wasn't a simple story {{{}}} Yes indeed a mother's tears and prayers are always used by Him who loves us all so much. Keep showering your daughter and new son in law with love and they will feel His love too. xxxx Praying my friend {{{}}}

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  3. I'm getting closer and closer to this stage of parenting and it scares the you know what out of me. <3

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