Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Enjoying a range of emotions: frustrated, nervous, happy, sad, ECSTATIC!!

I have been working on the blog and apologize for interrupted posts, reappearing in different places and times. I had noticed my privacy settings in picasa changed and were set to public for the folder for 2014 photos and when I switched to private, shared only with blog, all photos for 2014 disappeared in an irritatingly slow, non systematic way. So I have had to reload each photo from almost 1000 pics from picasa, and try to remember what photo went where following my uploading dates.

Lilly left me a surprise, and many more just like this on my camera role

It's been frustrating but also a little fun to go review this year. I now realize some of 2013 is messed up too, dang Google. Why do you have to change settings? It's just creepy. Data miners gotta mine, I guess.

Craig and I are going on a mini vacation, just the two of us. It includes air travel. I'm a little nervous, not so much about my safety, but a little about the kids'. I'm really not worried, more than the normal amount of worry from a mother who has never flown away from her kids in their lifetime. Good people are in charge, with good people to call in for back up if need be.

So, maybe I am a little nervous, hence at 4:44 a.m. my urgent need to get the blog all loaded with pics, in case this is all they have to go by me. Morbid? No, just a sort of mental insurance.

Do all moms ever wonder what to leave the kids as parting words, to guide their lives if we aren't here?
I'd hope I'd have made my hopes and dreams for their lives clear while doing this mission as their mom.  

If not, here goes kids:

To my dear sweet darlings,

You have been the best gift of my life! Each of you brought joy and love into my life, more than I could have ever imaged or dreamed. I didn't realize how much I wanted to be a mother until y'all came along and I am so thankful for the gifts of my sweet children. Motherhood isn't easy and I haven't been the best, most loving mom at all times and I apologize for all wrongs and hurts I have caused you.

Forgive me. Pray for me. My hope is to hug you in heaven.

So live your faith as you know you should. Live full. Love your siblings for me, teach them, guide them, walk with each other to heaven avoiding the gunk of this world as you go. Avoid sin. 

I am proud and amazed at each of you, delighted with your personalities, sense of humor and wit, gifts and talents. Keep and develop those gifts God has given you, and praise Him for those gifts, especially  the wonderful gift of our Faith and our family.   

Know I love you and I spent all my years happy and thankful to be allowed my role in this mission in life. 

With all my heart,
Mom

It's simple. I want them to know they are loved, that God loves them, and that I want them to be happy, at peace, and successful fulfilling their dreams. And they need to take care of each other as I would want and need them to.

Enough of sad thoughts, I want to CELEBRATE!! We heard wonderful news yesterday: everything on our purchase of our house has been approved, and they want to close as soon as possible, which now is scheduled for Monday!!!
Ten months flew quickly by, ...who am I kidding? The best part of reviewing all my photos, seeing our time was not wasted, we lived and loved and have had a very blessed year. The reason I take so many photos is to have these sweet times to reflect and relive and affirm our lives. We are now facing such good news, I am celebrating. I felt weight lift from me yesterday, and a smile stayed on my face.

We have more time to repair the house before moving in. So much work. The sooner we can begin is exciting for us! We have been idle too long, and yearn to get the house in our possession clean it, repair damage and live intentionally a life we have dreamed for a year and a half! Thank you, thank you, dear God!

Many changes coming soon. I would like to change up the blog, maybe even to another platform where I don't have to wonder when my settings might be changed. I have three Blogs, one for thankfully counting gifts, sharing thoughts, one to be for school topics, mostly neglected but I hate to get rid of because I love it's name, and the third completely neglected the journal for our rv travels, which have been fewer and further between against out hopes and intentions, but life happens and gets in the way of get aways.

Things should change here, reflecting the changes in our lives.

God bless dear reader, say a prayer for me, you, my friend are in my prayer intentions as well.


2 comments:

  1. Beautiful! Your entire blog is a letter to your kids about how much you love being their Mom, but that letter was such a wonderful summary!

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  2. Thank you, Carol, makes me very happy to hear that!

    ReplyDelete