Fear clogs my head from writing. Fear, that if I write it, it becomes fact, written in stone. It becomes a contract or otherwise permanent. I have goals and resolutions and changes I want to make in life but I fear putting the words down, make it oppressing.What if I change my mind? "Hey lady, hey lady, you saaaaaid...."
Pardon a dumb family saying.
You know, those sayings where sometimes you forget who started it or where it came from but randomly someone will say it?
Man, I'm distractible!
So, anyway, to non official non committal statements: we're thinking of moving again. Well, thinking and maybe getting pretty serious about doing...
Phew...there I said it. That's been one of
my brain clogging constipators. It's not a secret, I've blogged about dreaming already. It just feels more real, more probable than before.
If you write a dream down, does it take away it's luster?
Does it commit me from changing my mind, as I've done two other times we went down this dream road?
I may change my mind and decide I don't want to do anything just now...
I haven't made a big change in so long, I fear it and I crave it. Makes me think I'm a crazy lady.
Another writing limiter, being busy. Crazy busy. Lately busy with confirmation prep for Saturday, not allowing myself to imagine all this things I haven't worried about.
Ok, like what if the Cardinal asks a kid, maybe even one of my kids, a question, they flub the answer and he says, "No confirmation for you!"
Which of course won't happen...
What if I forget some major thing I'm to have or people don't show or we have an accident on the way? I have lists for my lists.
Dang, crazy busy is making me crazy.
A new resolution just became permanent (since I'm writing it down - haha):
Say no to any new volunteer jobs.
I've had a really nice, real social life with great conversations and visits with my friends, sisters, and two separate double date nights with great couples! So fun to have built in babysitters and friends!
I also need to entertain laughing and practice letting go. In this busy week, after one, two, countless other busy weeks, I find that I don't make good decisions under time pressure.
I even turn off my good sense filter.
I had to buy a suit for Nick for confirmation, which I discovered suit shopping isn't as easy or fun as shopping for girls.
I waited until the last week because I really wanted someone else to do it for me. I hate to shop. I cringe when I walk into a mall, too much to look at, and too many smells and such bright lights and people.
apparently, most suits are not made for him.
Would it be bad to have his lanky arms sticking out of the sleeves by four inches?
So, buy a costly suit, which maybe all suits are, because I don't have time to shop for days, because apparently suits need time to be altered and I gave myself no extra time for shopping around.
And then, I need to find a modest dress for Euly. Where? Not at my local mall. Okay we found the -one- dress in that whole bright, smelly overwhelming mall that came to, even slightly below, the knees and had sleeves and no cleavage. Although the material pattern is a little bold.
Why am I so crazy? This is a beautiful time, preparing them for this strengthening sacrament.
I'm offering them to the Holy Spirit, by way of the Cardinal, so I want then to look nice. It will be beautiful.
I can't wait to smell that balsam on their sweet heads!
Made it to seven and have just warmed up to chattiness level and apparently want to keep you here all day. I'm that way, hate to say 'bye.
Sometimes rambling helps take away or rationalize stress!
I may not have much meaningful to say, but the exercise of trying to say it, helped. Thanks for listening.
Happy Friday to you!!