Friday, May 4, 2012

Death of a Dream...or the beginning of something else?

Our business is dying and it has been painful to watch, painful to prepare for, painful to accept. It's been in God's Hand's from the beginning, but now I have put it in the hands of an attorney to take care of its final days. As of now, the doors are still open, employees are still working. But soon others will be making decisions instead of me. It's frightening and yet.... it's freeing.

We have tried and tried and tried. BRS had to do it on its own, and it didn't. Too many contributors to it's downfall: incompetency, dishonesty, theft, poor economy, and a drought worked against its survival. I had worried it was doomed within the first year of its purchase, but wanted to pour everything we all had into it. I know it may sound totally heartless to compare – but the death of our business feels like someone I loved is dying. Watching BRS die has been so painful, so agonizing, it has takes my breath at times. I know, it’s only a business. I probably have lost my focus on reality, but it feels so personal.

Remember that line from You've Got Mail after Joe Fox put Kathleen Kelly's book store out of business:
He told her, "It wasn't personal. "
And she replied, “All that means is that it wasn't personal to you, but it was personal to me. It's "personal" to a lot of people...Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal."
So, I guess I am as dramatic as a movie. How cliche'. OK, Mary, Get a grip!

I know I am blessed. BRS has been a blessing. It served its purpose, it lived its life, now its time for me to let go and say goodbye.

It is the death of a dream? It was my husband's dream, but God had other really good plans for him, for all of us. BRS has been so much apart of my life for almost four years. What is like like on the other side for me?  Personally these past 3 years have been incredible! Craig’s job! Italy! Southern RV tour! Lilly’s birth! Nick’s dyslexic therapy. Max’s college plan, college acceptance, college scholarship! Braces for three so far….life goes on. Life goes on full of joy filled moments, full of every day moments. It does go on.

This is my second, third, fourth, another chance to redefine our life, refocus how we spend our days. Hopefully, the death of our business WILL lead to a rebirth of me: as my role as wife, homemaker, teacher, mother, sister, daughter, friend....

St. Matthew, the apostle, & St. Jude, patron of impossible causes,
pray for us!
"Pray, hope and don't worry. Worry is useless. God is merciful and will hear your prayer."
 - St. Padre Pio

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