Monday, April 23, 2012

Requirements for finding an exceptional spouse

To a great extent the level of any civilization is the level of its womanhood. When a man loves a woman, he has to become worthy of her. The higher her virtue, the more her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her. The history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the level of its women."
Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen

I'm a mom of four girls, two boys, wife of almost twenty five years, daughter of a fifty three year marriage, daughter in law of a fifty year marriage, closing only due to death of my father in law, sister to three sisters' marriages all longer than mine. What makes a good start to marriage is on my mind. I want my children to start off their adult life with these thoughts: marriage is a life time relationship. It is not only a contract, it has a higher purpose as a covenant. Who you marry will be your partner for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer. And we need to think beyond the feel good stage and try to think for life. Going into it with the mind that this is until my or his death, must be sobering.

I start talking to my kids while they are young, praying for their future life's vocation and future spouse. That young person is on the earth somewhere, and I pray he/she is enjoying a grace filled life. I encourage my children to start praying for this intention too, even though they protest that they will never marry...! well, you may, so pray anyway. Choices made which last your lifetime and impact future generations are worthy of much prayer.

 I pulled down a book that has been on my shelf for some time, homemaking advice by Miriam Lukken in Mrs. Dunwoodys Excellent Instructions for Homekeeping. She has a list to her children of what to look for in a spouse :

"1.  a sense of humor: 

2. A positive outlook: is that glass half full or half empty?

3 a strong belief in God

4 honesty

5 respect : "Respect, like trust, it is a very hard thing to win back "

6 hard worker

7 compassion

8 forgiving

9 generous: self and time

10 common sense"

I agree with all ten above, and I have more to our list of perspective spouse choices (for when the time comes):

11. A man your father will respect, a young lady who respects your mother.

12. One who genuflects in church and know why he/she does.

13. A man who opens the door for you; a young woman who behaves like a lady.

14 Notice how he treats his mother because that is how he will treat his wife.

15. Have life experiences together including spending time with family, witnessing interactions with siblings, seeing  how one behaves under stressful circumstances, experiencing how they drive in traffic and deal with rude drives, how they handle receiving sudden good/bad news, deals with frustrations, the under privileged and money.

 I look forward to meeting these future sons and daughters.

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